Not Waving But Drowning

S and I went to the Guildhall cinema on Wednesday to watch a film called The Seventh Wave that was written, directed and acted in by locals. Where to start? I remain slightly irritated with the Guildhall for hosting such an amateur piece of tosh but I feel most annoyed with the ‘film makers’ (the use of the inverted commas is ironic) for being arrogant or deluded (probably both) enough to consider that such an ill-made, ill-conceived venture might be shown at the city’s art centre. The script was abysmal and devoid of wit, consisting mainly of clumsy exchanges between thirtysomethings (played by people who couldn’t act) about Star Wars and relationships. The writer obviously desperately wanted to create a kind of Reservoir Dogs-esque series of communications that touched drolly on popular culture but instead conjured up a host of conversations that were as disappointing and unfunny as the fact that I gave up my evening to attend this nonsense. I think the writer liked Spaced too as one of the characters played on a games console for a while; unfortunately one couldn’t see the character’s face as he leaned back and you could only see his shirt for a minute or so. It was that kind of production. There was so much wrong with this film; the editing lacked any spark or imagination, the sound was dire and the plot was sub-juvenile. One could accuse The Seventh Wave of being ‘sixth form’ but as S (who teaches film studies) pointed out, he’d be mildly disappointed if any of his sixth-formers had produced this. I don’t enjoy criticising for the sake of it but I’m bemused and somewhat angry that someone in my city could have such an inflated ego that he could think that an intelligent audience might derive some pleasure from this junk. I don’t mind someone having film-making as a hobby as long as they keep it as a hobby but it was emphatically wrong for many reasons to show this to an audience that associates the Guildhall cinema with fine and worthy British, European and World productions.

I’ve been peering through my fingers at the website of Nightshift Films (the production company behind The Seventh Wave) and ghoulishly reminding myself of Wednesday’s horrors. Apparently, there’s another blockbuster in the pipeline. I won’t be watching it. Ever.